We all have them.
We fight our way the best we can and then sometimes we burnout and have to take rest ,food, and contemplate why a life can get so sad and overwhelming.
When I left you all in Sept.I certainly didnt plan on it.......a slow depression was taking over and it is just beginning to leave.
We have been in grief for 9 months now over my father in law.My wife was raised by people who adored each other and her sadness at her mothers loss far outshines her own.I have to try to get her to let go and keep letting it wash over her......it is endless but it becomes more poingant the longer they are gone.I miss my father so much these days and its been 20 years!
The job I was happy about has become a very rough go physically and emotionally.......not what my first blog about it implied.
It seems I am the person to come to for all stress related problems as the company I work for is loaded with upper management that truly dont know state laws,facts,or the incredible amount of work it takes to start a nursing floor.....the modified diets alone are a huge challenge.....and guess who knows all about it?
I am awaiting a 2 to 3 dollar raise (and a title,means nothing to me)if they cant do it Im on the looking for work side again........I cant keep up this saving people thing much longer without compensation so we will see......ya never know.
On top of this is my mother who was sicker than she has ever been for the last 9 months has gotten well again.I really thought she was dying for sure and spent too many nights worried sick ,hands sweating etc.
My sister came and relieved me for a time and it was most helpful to just have her near me.Those of us who take on caregiving have some very lonely moments and she brought me love and support I so needed.
Then there is my wife who even though she is in total greif still makes time to support me and puts up with a very crabby ,mouthy husband(i have trouble shutting up on a rant!!(embarassing).
We are also being totally built upon in what used to a wooded glen and is now big ass ridiculous homes.I am so against power couples buying and using precious resources so they can live like a star.
We wont get into that today.....everyone wants fame these days 40% of children when asked ....want to be stars.That creeps me out so much.
I am going to try to get here soon again..........I have so little energy left from hard work and then the depression has kept me away too.
But I see this as a coping tool as much as creation and will try much harder.
Till then....love people,care for them,tell them what you see in them and remember that no matter how much you have monetarily it pales in comparison to people you love and are loved back by in life.
