Okay,so Im back after months of no computer.A wonderful friend was visiting for my birthday and got me back online!I have no money for extras so relying on others kindnesses has been a true blessing in my life.
I have been struggling a lot with staying in a grateful state.This is my first full day off in ten so perhaps Im burned out.(sore too but thats daily).
My life at work is confusing and difficult,too many bosses and wasted time on doing what one says and then turning around and doing it differently because the other one says something opposite.
So glad to finally have bennies but the toll it takes on my meager paycheck is major so I will continue looking for better work.Anyone out there open their paycheck and get sad?Sometimes I even get tears brimming.
BUT,remembering what I have instead of dont have helps a lot.
My wife has been awesome to me,understanding how frustrating it is for a 53 yr old man with talents and a whole life of work experience,arising at 5 a.m.to go lift truckloads of merchandise,then arranging it all to whoevers standards it meets.
And,I do have some people I really like and can rely on for laughs and support.Laughing at work is one of the best stress relievers ever.
I actually had a job long ago doing meals on wheels for people in the area.I could not wait to get to it everyday for a long time due to the laughing and incredible people I met there.They are all still friends that I still see.A great experience!
But the thing I love the most is my home,what a lovely little place with woods across the street and very country like setting in town.I grew up out in the country about 10 miles from here And have lived in town for 30 yrs and not liking it much.So this is just amazing to us.
But it would never have happened without the incredible generosity of my wonderful sister and brother-in-law.Its very hard to describe the love we all have for each other,but it grows constantly and they have produced the family I always wanted.
I wont go in to my family history now,but it was very ugly and its important to remember that,as Maya Angelou says: 'Words are "things"".The words that were said and often shouted in my home as a teen were so negative and I will spend the rest of my life trying not to behave in a way I was "taught" to react.Remember,another Maya,"At our best we are all teachers".The words that come out of our mouths are teaching,either good or bad.I try to remember this always and I fail a lot.But I continue everyday to try to renew and confirm that I believe love is everything and if I am able to love without condition I am at the best place I can be.