Do any of you ever get that" your poor so you must be dumb"feeling ?
I get it a lot from work ,family,just people in general.Whats hard for my wife and I is the fact that everything "looks" fine but if they knew the underbelly of poverty level and the bad feelings it brings perhaps they wouldnt be so quick to judge it.
I am amazingly happy over so many things in my life................but poverty puts you in a place and in the mind of the general public that sometimes leaves me speechless.
Im not talking about financial aid............more about those of us who are defined as the working poor.
For me a huge part is living in the richest county in America..........the spending of money here is really wacky when the housewife driving her Hummer pulls up next to me it makes my heart ache for the good that money could do for so many.
I am absolutely aware of how many do give generously and I also have very wealthy family in another part of the country that give and have been so gracious in helping us out........thats "real money".
They have a lovely life and do not put on airs........you dont have to when its the real thing.Plus they put family first and relationships are very important to them.
My town is very judgmental, the absolute hateful garbage that comes out of the mouths of the people I work with(GOSSIP)is very perplexing to me.
After I turned 50 and stopped worrying about what everyone thinks ,my life got so much easier.
My wife told me recently that I was her hero and that Im not afraid of anything......seeing the drive and ambition more than the failures....so incredible of her.
I guess what Im getting at is as old as dirt,but we could become so much more enlightened as time goes on if we would allow all people to have a chance to be in our life...........sometimes people have to go,but all I know is I have friends of "all" kinds and I know it keeps me balanced in my thoughts and prayers.
Today we are going to a flea market that friends have a large booth at(collectible toys,really cool).And Im sure my wife will find something there to make here happy......so easily pleased.........I thank the power of all that is every day just to see her walk in at night.
She has been the one gift in my life I dont know how I got........talk about a rich life.......how can anyone so amazing come to you for free.............but thats the point.....the things that are really important to us we already have,be aware of that as you walk through your day and things will change.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Another cold snowy blustery weekend.......my wife and I are planning a day of rest and no interruptions from anyone......this doesnt always work out as we are very attracted to having company and then at the same time we are private about our time off.
I am so fortunate to have a person in life that I am so connected to that sometimes we dont have to speak.
I am confused by people always on the look out for the next relationship.......especially if they have a history of busted relationships.
All I know is me and Wendi came to be without us looking like crazy.I am so lucky,I see people in long term marriage that should do the work or get out.....its not worth it and worse if you are putting your kids through all the ups and downs of your personal life.
Dr. Phil says fighting in front of your kids changes their lives.Im not a huge fan of his but this one is right on,I had personal experience with this growing up,my parents really disliked each other for a very long time before they divorced.....which added so many hurts,confusion and general unhappy feelings.
Dont get me wrong....I wanted them to do something or divorce.I was never sad about it,it made so much sense for them to be apart....and it took forever!
I love being in my fifties as things have turned around in so many ways emotionally.You come to a point when you realize your parents are people......not just mom and dad....thats hard to separate when you are young and trying to impress them.
I regret so much that my dad passed when I was 35........we were close and I could use his support at this financially scary time,but more often I wish he were coming to dinner say......this afternoon!Its all the things like his grandkids,b-days etc.that he would have gotten so much out of........heartbreaking.
I still have mom.......she is minutes away and Im trying to get her to move closer as she is ill at times and it would be so much handier to have her nearer.
My mom is the biggest fighter for life I have ever seen.......seriously.....she should have died from all this sickness a while ago and yet she pushes on.Down one day and then absolutely buzzing around not being able to sit still.Its hard to get her to rest......but she will do as she wishes....sometimes I lecture her,as she calls it.Im really not lecturing as much as telling the truth......but she will do as she wants,always has, and I love that part of her as I have done the same.Obviously Im a non-conformist ,and thats how Im happiest so here I sit ,a fifty three year old hippy,musician,......dare I say writer,and happy as hell to put what I can down to spur others to love their life regardless of how awful the story...........its your story no matter what.....you cant change it.......so embrace and learn and give what you know to others.......its a miracle when your life touches somebody in that place they dont speak about,and then end up speaking about because of the courage you gave them by simply saying your truth.
Lets all say thankyou that there is today and go from there.
I am so fortunate to have a person in life that I am so connected to that sometimes we dont have to speak.
I am confused by people always on the look out for the next relationship.......especially if they have a history of busted relationships.
All I know is me and Wendi came to be without us looking like crazy.I am so lucky,I see people in long term marriage that should do the work or get out.....its not worth it and worse if you are putting your kids through all the ups and downs of your personal life.
Dr. Phil says fighting in front of your kids changes their lives.Im not a huge fan of his but this one is right on,I had personal experience with this growing up,my parents really disliked each other for a very long time before they divorced.....which added so many hurts,confusion and general unhappy feelings.
Dont get me wrong....I wanted them to do something or divorce.I was never sad about it,it made so much sense for them to be apart....and it took forever!
I love being in my fifties as things have turned around in so many ways emotionally.You come to a point when you realize your parents are people......not just mom and dad....thats hard to separate when you are young and trying to impress them.
I regret so much that my dad passed when I was 35........we were close and I could use his support at this financially scary time,but more often I wish he were coming to dinner say......this afternoon!Its all the things like his grandkids,b-days etc.that he would have gotten so much out of........heartbreaking.
I still have mom.......she is minutes away and Im trying to get her to move closer as she is ill at times and it would be so much handier to have her nearer.
My mom is the biggest fighter for life I have ever seen.......seriously.....she should have died from all this sickness a while ago and yet she pushes on.Down one day and then absolutely buzzing around not being able to sit still.Its hard to get her to rest......but she will do as she wishes....sometimes I lecture her,as she calls it.Im really not lecturing as much as telling the truth......but she will do as she wants,always has, and I love that part of her as I have done the same.Obviously Im a non-conformist ,and thats how Im happiest so here I sit ,a fifty three year old hippy,musician,......dare I say writer,and happy as hell to put what I can down to spur others to love their life regardless of how awful the story...........its your story no matter what.....you cant change it.......so embrace and learn and give what you know to others.......its a miracle when your life touches somebody in that place they dont speak about,and then end up speaking about because of the courage you gave them by simply saying your truth.
Lets all say thankyou that there is today and go from there.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Time flies so ridiculously fast.....I was having password problems and then
the work,snow and cold has had me whacked out!
I had a ridiculous day recently that had me digging my car out for about 4 hours,with breaks to come in and warm up and change clothes.....I was raging like a maniac and feeling all victimized ,especially after I locked my keys in the car while it was running!
At any rate as I was laying on my stomach in the snow ranting foulness all over the street,I realized that I have always been like this.......if its not right now when I want it then I start stewing that this only happens to me...this is so my life...only this would happen to Stephen........general garbage.
Now I do believe I have had experience in some real ugly in my lifetime.Deaths by suicide,alcohol everywhere,job loss at midlife,......its hard to explain to people with normal sort of backgrounds how all this went down....but thats for another day.
Had I just given up and waited for my neighbor to pull me out when he got home I could have made things so much easier.I must work on patience........to often I get pulled into worry ...........the most useless thing you can do.(especially if you have a dramatic imagination)
We have been weathering the cold quite nicely,and I am a snow lover when it really does snow.....and we have a good 18 inches out there right now.We only have one car so I do have to drop off the car for my wife and then walk a 15 minute walk home........not bad at all......but in subzero temps ......uhm.......lets see oh yeah, it sucks.But Im lucky to live close enough that we can do this...otherwise it would mess with our work schedules.I have been making hearty one dish stuff.So comforting and warming on cold winter nights.
Here is one we loved.
Ingredients;
Diced ham..2.00
diced tomatoes 2 cans 1.20
1/2 a bag of spinach .50
4 or 5 large potatoes (bought in bulk)
Cheese of any kind
Spray a 13 by 9 or flat bottomed baking dish.Drain tomatoes and add them into a mixing bowl with the spinach and ham.Add spices you like...I grow fresh herbs that I use with others......dont forget pepper...I think I have said that I never use salt cooking....people can add it.
Layer tomato mixture,sliced potatoes and cheese as if your making a lasagna,keep layering and top off with cheeses.Cover and cook 30 mins then fifteen more with lid off to brown top.
Really good and really cheap ..feeds a god 4 or 5 people......we eat it for a couple days.
Today is a good day ........my niece and my 2 great nieces are coming for afternoon food and fun.I got a great racetrack for Christmas(no,i dont wanna grow up...Im a toysrus kid)And its always a relax and hang out day when they come.I will talk more about my niece Rachael at another time.She is a person with a soul that survived so much as a kid.......and now raising the family she wanted and so deserves,She is special to us as she stayed with us all the time her first few years.......we love her.
Stay warm,eat food if you have it,say thankyou and know that love exists in the worst of days.
the work,snow and cold has had me whacked out!
I had a ridiculous day recently that had me digging my car out for about 4 hours,with breaks to come in and warm up and change clothes.....I was raging like a maniac and feeling all victimized ,especially after I locked my keys in the car while it was running!
At any rate as I was laying on my stomach in the snow ranting foulness all over the street,I realized that I have always been like this.......if its not right now when I want it then I start stewing that this only happens to me...this is so my life...only this would happen to Stephen........general garbage.
Now I do believe I have had experience in some real ugly in my lifetime.Deaths by suicide,alcohol everywhere,job loss at midlife,......its hard to explain to people with normal sort of backgrounds how all this went down....but thats for another day.
Had I just given up and waited for my neighbor to pull me out when he got home I could have made things so much easier.I must work on patience........to often I get pulled into worry ...........the most useless thing you can do.(especially if you have a dramatic imagination)
We have been weathering the cold quite nicely,and I am a snow lover when it really does snow.....and we have a good 18 inches out there right now.We only have one car so I do have to drop off the car for my wife and then walk a 15 minute walk home........not bad at all......but in subzero temps ......uhm.......lets see oh yeah, it sucks.But Im lucky to live close enough that we can do this...otherwise it would mess with our work schedules.I have been making hearty one dish stuff.So comforting and warming on cold winter nights.
Here is one we loved.
Ingredients;
Diced ham..2.00
diced tomatoes 2 cans 1.20
1/2 a bag of spinach .50
4 or 5 large potatoes (bought in bulk)
Cheese of any kind
Spray a 13 by 9 or flat bottomed baking dish.Drain tomatoes and add them into a mixing bowl with the spinach and ham.Add spices you like...I grow fresh herbs that I use with others......dont forget pepper...I think I have said that I never use salt cooking....people can add it.
Layer tomato mixture,sliced potatoes and cheese as if your making a lasagna,keep layering and top off with cheeses.Cover and cook 30 mins then fifteen more with lid off to brown top.
Really good and really cheap ..feeds a god 4 or 5 people......we eat it for a couple days.
Today is a good day ........my niece and my 2 great nieces are coming for afternoon food and fun.I got a great racetrack for Christmas(no,i dont wanna grow up...Im a toysrus kid)And its always a relax and hang out day when they come.I will talk more about my niece Rachael at another time.She is a person with a soul that survived so much as a kid.......and now raising the family she wanted and so deserves,She is special to us as she stayed with us all the time her first few years.......we love her.
Stay warm,eat food if you have it,say thankyou and know that love exists in the worst of days.
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