Its funny because as soon as I speak about drinking or my strong opinion on it,people inevidibly say the above phrase.
The truth is noone but my wife knows the real story .
I found a solution to all my anxiety when I began drinking as a teen.I think it is the most common reason of all as most of us have self esteem problems.
As a musician I was given a lifestyle that played into the idea of talent,fear,judgement and stagefright........we must remember I was 22 and was not prepared for anything.I desperately wanted to do it but it was exremely scary at first.
I loved to party afterward and I stayed up all night knocking it back many.many times in my life.I regret none of it as it all leads to where I am now.It also is a great tool to help others with the same problem,there is a lot of uncalled for judgement and just plain ego filled b.s. when I hear an uneducated individual make such cutting ridiculous statements about my private life.I actually had an old friend say she was sooo glad she wasnt married to me,simply because she called when I had just gotten out of emergency after a bender and we hadnt spoken in years.I also had my mother say"Its such a blessing you never had children".(really hurt as we chose not to have kids on my part because of being raised in commotion.For my wife and I to hold in our memories,noone else.)
These things are hard to take,it is a part of the territory but I am done with people thinking they know what happened when they dont even ask.........I have only had one freind or family "ever' ask about my time working on this besides my amazing wife, sister, and freind extraordnaire MartyNot one person has said how are you?What was it like?I guess the world wants to hide in church basements and not say their last name because god forbid someone might wonder about what your up to.
My name is Stephen Watts and Im an alcoholic........no fear here........get in line to ask questions... those that judge simply over the word ......Im sorry for you.Remember a whole lot of us chose to go to rehab........we did not "have" to.This is the most overthought idea"you had to go to rehab"....no..."I wanted to go to rehab."
Okay so just to get it straight
I was sober from 89 till 2000 then 2000till 2008then 2008 til 2015.The drinking in these rough spots of a week or two at a time was full on chronic alcohol addiction alcoholism progresses even when you are sober,its true!........a suprise to me when I took a drink after 10 years and had to have tons more till I was so sick I would go to the hospital to come off it.Why would I continue?If I knew why I would be a billionare from owning rehabs!
Yes,my wife did have to endure my behavior but was ready to learn and grow with me.She is the kindest woman I know,,,,,,,,,but her water is very deep .........everyone has a history.It would be so very ignorant to assume that there has never been trouble on her side.....my goodness,my great marriage did not come out of one person.......32 years and I love her so much it scares me.(seriously)
My last two blogs have been pretty serious and angry to a degree........not what I want here.......but sometimes things have to be made very clear so people can get out of their prejudged notions.I still believe as Depak Chopra says "what other people think of me ,is none of my business"A wonderful freeing statement,but sometimes there is need to get the record straight.
With all this swirling going on where is content?
"two nights ago I got up to get water and when I came back to bed there was an amazing shadow on the snow created by a huge moon over my oak tree.......awesome....freezing ....I jumped into bed lying with my back touching her back and laying one hand to rest on her hip.Then looking out the window again ......just as happy and content as can be................its always there.....that contentment....keep seeking"
Stephen Watts
Alcoholic and Husband
I realize the importance of a program and did not mean to denounce any particular way.All alcoholics are in different stages of recovery and sobriety my thoughts are my own and not meant to criticize anyone who is finding there way out any way they can.
No comments:
Post a Comment