Purpose

The world is full of people trying to find their way through this often confusing and cutting thing that is human life.
Having a purpose has become a faddish sort of thing,where in the ego gets filled with "oh yes look I am a concerned citizen of the world".Please know that I am aware that there are others that are so committed to serving others, I see no time for self.That seems strange to me too.
I think changing attitudes and behaviors start with you.I believe our purpose in life is to be kind,love and be compassionate.All of us.And its very easy to begin.
When I started practicing a more grateful life I had to talk to myself about smiling ,saying hello,being more there no matter who Im talking to.I have made friends with a lot of cashiers and gas station workers and more.I am in the midst of possibly taking a good job with a family owned catering biz who are willing to negotiate.I was interviewed while their daughter sat on his lap!SO real!so whats needed here on earth ,start being who you are instead of what your ego says you are.Ego is the robber of all happiness and contentment and is not needed.Its a very ancient word that was really meant for battle and protection.
My sister and I spoke of purpose just yesterday(which inspired this blog,thanks sis!)
She has two daughters I adore and have written about.A friend was questioning her purpose....sorta like what will you do when the kids go.....STOP! IT! RAISING CHILDREN IS THE MOST IMPORTANT  PURPOSE YOU CAN HAVE!!.And she has years before they go....by no means done....and never will be .....parenting is a lifetime.
We concentrate on money and success in working life all the time.But we dont celebrate whats important with all of us,care,kindness,compassion ........all things apparent in my nieces.I have no doubt they will have happier lives because they have been taught how lucky they are to have the kind of home,education and love that lives in their family.......they are all a gift to me in my search for whats real and whats not.When Im with them I feel loved........something that got lost in my upbringing even tho there was no doubt my parents did love me,it got lost in commotion and their own marital problems.I cant stress enough how important it is to not argue or bring your problems to your children........"it changes who they are" Im living proof.And my struggle continues daily to be graceful and loving in all situations.Next time you are denouncing a worker while your in line in your head "Oh this dumb person,whats their problem" Remember you dont know them or anything about them,who are you to judge their situation.When you get to them maybe say "how are you"or"your having a rough day arnt you?".........................
Its your "purpose".

What You Can Suffer

I am in the horrible grip of another ridiculous decision about taking a job or not.This is at least a cook job,but the interview was the oddest I have ever experienced.
A very young quiet chef who has worked 6 months in eldercare.
I am so tired of facilities putting on shows for residents families.I basically ran the interview as I am 30 years older than he is.And he basically just sat there and asked nothing(hadnt checked refs etc.what?)
I have seen this look before......Chefs get positions to glamorize these places and so many have no eldercare experience.
I am not judging the job.....when I lost my great job at a large facility I had been through 5 chefs in 6 years because they expect something altogether different.Its food performance art in a way and that dreaded ego is always involved.
I have seen amazing chefs that want for the elders and care for them in the fashion they should be treated,but it is rare.
When you work in a facility it is of utmost import to become part of their community.....it is their home and quite frankly you are a guest paid to work there with their thousands of dollars a month holding up your check.
Part of me wants to do it,its a brand new facility open only 6 months.......but the bad part is first basically no money after insurance and I have a tendency to take over (and they let me)and then I get no money or credit for it.Because Im not a chef,...nor do I want to be.But I know what elders want to eat more than anything is plain good homestyle food.
I used to take the Chef special down on wknds when a particularly bad chef and man was there for a short time and redo it and sell out...........eventually I got in a heated exchange with him when he discovered it but
god love my managers...they saw the numbers.Again ,its not their fault,they just dont understand not wanting nuts,berries or whatever all over their pork loin,they much prefer super tender loin with basic brown gravy with maybe mushrooms(teeth can be a problem at 90!
I am struggling so much because it really is exactly what I was making before at the stupid shoe job.It really makes me angry that lifetime cooks (and supervisors like me) are treated like first timers in pay.When are we going to have a living wage here again?And does not twenty years of feeding these folks mean anything?
Bad luck,all the time,and everyday lately and I am overwhelmed.
But I am trying to stay in this very moment as opposed to projecting.....but my fire is burning out and I am so exhausted from worrying for the last 6 years.....I have to breathe ,stop ,and be.
So very difficult.

The Care It Takes

I have written a lot about taking care of elders and sick people(my mother forages on ,the last 3 months were even a bit scary for this seasoned veteran)My mother in law has been sick too(lung surgery...good news but a loong recovery.

Ive said before ,pay or not ,it is one of my best gifts....calm and kindness in frightening,life events.I do my crying and rid myself of bad later.
Since I can cook it helps tremendously to prepare meals for women of that generation who worry about dinner even when they cant move!Im certain it is the 60s housewife syndrome that makes them feel responsible for everything!My 82 yr old mother still says "I gotta get home and start dinner"To which I say why dont you go home and have your husband start the car and take you to dinner!Which they do a lot.But what Im saying is if something this simple helps.....great,and it is so easy for me to throw together healthy meals really fast.......its just years of doing it for hundreds, so doing for two is a cinch!
And I have time ,the work search for working class 55 year olds is a continual thorn in my side.I need so little its just so frustrating.
So doing for others takes away that ugh feeling I have about my situation and turns it in to what really matters in the first place.
I have a wonderful life.I have a home,a wife I adore,I can let these things float off when my ego nags and says "your not enough".If we get anything out of this life let it be that by the end we are able to say I did the very best I could and Im content.
Compassion for others is key ,I dont mean volunteering for a cause as much as looking around your close circle and seeing the pain that people are living through or a problem they are struggling with.Its really very easy and its even easier to say "are you okay?..."whats happening?"......"tell me".
Its getting lonelier all the time as media texts and buzzes and twitters and bells and whistles.
There is nothing more powerful than "Im here,I love you".Try it.