My father in law died suddenly about a month ago.There was a two week wait for his memorial that was excruciating .He has left a huge hole in our lives.
He was not a man of healthy habits and lived much longer than both siblings and his father ,outlived his dad by a decade at least ..he was 75.And hated it!
He didnt like aging and was befuddled by the fact that he felt so vital and still up for almost anything.
He had no gray hair......Im 20 years younger and I am a headful of long silvery and dark gray hair.
My wife and whole family are still in shock.......he was a force.
I spoke at the memorial.I called him a "character with character" and spoke of his many kind and compassionate things he did for us ,but mostly the protrayal of a couple who adored each other in many of the same ways my wife and I do.We had many dinners just the 4 of us and it became more intimate and loving all the time.Nice.
I also sang a very slowed down and haunting couple of lines from The Summer Wind.I of course was nervous but somehow it was the first time I ever opened my mouth and wasnt truly afraid.In fact there was an emotional calm Ive never experienced.After much reflection I have decided that it was love.For them for me and all attending.I have written that talent is a gift you cannot take credit for as a person.People think all the time it means something different about them.No,its just a gift,nothing more.The big realization this time was that I had nothing to do with how it turned out...as I was singing there was something that pulled me up and said "you know how to do this ,its a natural gift ,share it,...let the self judgement go!"I also wanted to do it right for my in-laws ,it was very important to me....maybe that figured in,but it came so easily that I have no other choice than to call it holy.
We need to keep remembering there is only right this moment......some of us have had a lifetime of loss so it comes easier.....but we all need to work on this,no question.
Prayers and meditations to my wife and whole family are happening daily.....wont you join me?
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